Thank you, President Biden
Thank you, President Biden
Trump is now the oldest candidate for President but fuck him anyways.
Joe Biden has dropped out of the 2024 Presidential race and has endorsed Kamala Harris for president.
According to one of my dearest friends, John, who is Black and a lawyer in North Carolina, Biden made a very smart move regarding Black American voters.
Biden won the presidency in 2020 thanks to Black folks—mainly Black women—so his immediately endorsing Harris shows that he understands the large and growing portion of the Democrats’ base AND, most importantly, that Harris is more than ready to kick major ass for this country. Now, it’s up for my fellow White women to get the fuck in line and back Harris as well.
We owe Joe Biden a lot. He dedicated his life to public service, and if his son Beau hadn’t died in 2015, I bet Joe would’ve run for POTUS in 2016 and won.
Biden’s a decent man who put this country first—something any true patriot would do.
So, what’s next? Oh, racist and misogynistic dog whistles will sound soon enough from the Right Wing Media, Trump & his minions, and all of the fucking dumb fucks who support Trump. It’s gonna get really ugly, really fast.
Trump’s response was on-brand, natch.
Joe Biden is out. Harris is in. Who will she pick as VEEP?
Gavin Newsom? Nah…can’t have two Californians on the ticket, and California is blue, so he’s not needed—yet. Maybe 2028. He can campaign for Harris, though.
Gretchen Whitmer? Nope. Michigan needs her, and sadly, this country isn’t ready for two women running things.
JB Pritzker? Nope. Illinois is already in the bag for the Dems. I’m sure he’ll campaign for the Harris ticket, AND he could be a contender for 2028.
NC Gov. Roy Cooper? Possibly. ‘Coop’ would be an excellent choice because he’s a Centrist and well-liked in North Carolina (of all places, I know). He was campaigning with Harris a few days ago. Plus, his being on the ticket could bring NC over to the Democrats in November, which means the Democrats wouldn’t need Wisconsin’s electoral votes to ensure a victory for Harris. If he’s on the ticket, he could sway one of the other notoriously Red States to go blue in November, too.
PA Gov. Josh Shapiro? He’d be an excellent choice, too. He’d likely bring swing-state Pennsylvania into the WIN column in November. Shapiro’s a smart guy. Personally, I’d be fine with either Shapiro or Cooper.
Al Franken? Sigh. I wish. Won’t happen but he could do the job. He’s liked on both sides of the aisle; he’s politically savvy, smart, and a decent guy.
Beto O’Rourke? No, just NO.
Colorado Gov. Jared Polis? Another great choice, but he’s not well-known. Give him a couple of years—he could be a major player in the future.
I think Harris's pick needs to be a moderate White man in order to appease a large portion of the Democratic base. I do like the idea of Gretchen Whitmer, though.
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I wrote this before Biden’s announcement earlier Sunday. I didn’t want to completely nix it because it’s damn poignant and funny. Please enjoy. There will be much more snark to come—pinky swear!
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Happy Monday, Chickens.
Does anyone care that Sen. Joe Manchin, the man who abandoned the Democratic Party, whose balls now reside in a jar inside Trump’s diaper bag, and who also turned his back on his constituency to side with big energy/pharma/tax cuts, is telling Joe Biden to step aside?
BUT, what IS troubling is all of the powerful Dems who are telling Biden to bow out. Folks like Sherrod Brown, Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and a whole lot of other misguided, heads-up-their-asses lawmakers and pundits. You know which Democratic bigwigs are NOT telling Biden to drop out but are instead going after Trump and his fuckshit—the Clintons. Yep, Bill and Hill are working the phones, cozying up to big donors and telling them to get with the fucking program and stick with Joe. And you know what else? Hillary FUCKING WARNED US BEFORE, AND SHE’S WARNING US AGAIN! But, some dumb cunts who are supposedly diehard Dems are all up in their fee-fees with the purity tests, ageism, and the usual ridiculousness that ALWAYS FUCKING SINKS THE DEMOCRATS. What these hayseeds need to focus on instead of their performative ‘I’m an ally,’ pink hats, setting up little libraries, etc., is CALLING OUT TRUMP AND REMINDING THE ENTIRE FUCKING COUNTRY THAT MISERY GOLEM TRUMP HAS A SHIT-TON OF FELONY CONVICTIONS, PROJECT 2025, IS A RACIST CANKER SORE, PROJECT 2025, WANTS TO BAN ABORTION, PROJECT 2025, PROJECT 2025 AND PROJECT 2025.
Also, the celebs who are telling Biden to quit need to shutty their organic coconut water chutes. Zaddy George Clooney needs to take several seats in his deck chairs in his Lake Como villa.
What creases me about this country is how we equate celebrity with genius when, most of the time, the opposite is true. Simply, with most celebs, you scratch the surface and get more surface.
What my naive fellow ‘Muricans fail to realize is that all of these famous folks who are calling for Biden to fade out will be absolutely fine under a Trump presidency. They won’t suffer at all. Sure, they may get some bad press and get trolled on social media, but their livelihoods will be status quo. So yes, they need to fuck all the way off with their crowing about Biden dropping out.
Let’s listen to Bill and Hillary FOR ONCE in our lives. Oh, and we wouldn’t even BE in this mess if some of y’all didn’t vote for Jill Stein back in 2016. Y’all sure sent one helluva message, and I hope your kids and grandkids get favorable FEMA camp assignments next year.
I’ll be over here, fighting the raccoons for the good trash.
Until Chewsday,
Jules
Yes, that was a poorly delivered joke on my part. I thoroughly enjoy your takes, thoughtful and funny.
Harris would be a great president. Eight years ago, Clinton couldn't overcome the prejudice against women, even though she was well-known and a very strong candidate. But Harris is a black woman, and both will count against her.
I will vote for any marginally viable candidate to keep Trump out of the presidency again, including her, but we must be realistic. A black or a woman might be elected, but not a black woman, not yet.