We need to talk about Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
This story belongs in the ‘Let’s go back to being embarrassed about things we say aloud’ category.
Wait…actually, we don’t, except for the fact that years ago—in 2014—RFK Jr. went hawking in New York’s Hudson River Valley—as one does—and happened across a dead bear cub that was probably hit by a car, so he decided to put the carcass in his own car thinking ‘hey, I’ll skin the carcass then put the meat in my fridge, cool, cool’ only to realize that he had to go to the airport and couldn’t do it so..he asked the advice of his friends, or he’s humblebragging about what he wanted to do so he was actually workshopping the idea of taking the bear to Central Park and (it gets better) an old bike of his, put the two items together to give the impression that someone slammed into the baby bear with their Schwinn then was so freaked out that the rider took off.
BIG BREATH.
So his friends, out of fear of being considered disloyal or out of fear in general because they, probably figured that this dude, who is a member of one of the world’s mostest famous political families ever, would make them disappear if they didn’t egg him on and encourage him in his ideas no matter how fucking stupid and cruel they are because that’s what friends of rich dumb folks do.
It’s not the end of this ripping good yarn, though. See, the dead bear story made the front page of every NYC media outlet. The story did die down (sorry), but when The New Yorker told RFK Jr. that they were doing a story on him, he thought that getting ahead of the dead bear cub by talking about it on a social media show with Roseanne Barr because that makes a whole lot of fucking sense. Wait … it DOES make sense because Roseanne is someone who is still fighting raccoons for the good trash and blaming liberals, Jews, Blacks, women, LGBTQ+, and Methodists for the state of the trash.
So, yes. He’s running for President. And his family absolutely hates him.
But, if you’re a fan of the Kennedys, might I suggest you follow JFK’s grandson? You’re welcome!
Now, onto the Paris Olympics, where some athletes are literally swimming in shit and getting sick from it. Some teams are all like, ‘Naaah..we good. We’re not going to compete,’ so they dipped.
Meanwhile, in the stadium, where the athletes run, jump, throw stuff, and use poles to do things, a dude’s pole got in the way.
Anthony Ammirati’s massive asset, if you will, cock blocked him from penetrating the finals, but he’s still a huge star in the hearts of minds of so many of the world’s girls and gays.
Until Tuesday, tits up, folks!
xoxox
jules
“Fighting raccoons for the good trash” is just chef’s kiss!
I laughed and nodded; excellent writing! That poor dead bear cub. I hope Wormbrain goes away and now he’s ruined Cheryl Hines for me too.